Texan Canadian

This space holds writing that is sometimes more about reflection. Sometimes is about moments that held growth. Its about things that have happened, moments that are happening, about what we choose to keep, what we learn to repair, and what we come back to. The everyday moments and thoughts are threads that run throughout, not as answers, but as ways of trying to pay more attention. It’s an ongoing practice rather than a finished philosophy. Small adjustments, revisited often.

Category: Uncategorized

  • Black Raspberries

    We lived on a hill, We live on a hill. We had answers handed down like heirlooms. We have questions we are learning to hold. We had no accent. We have words that give us away. We had a kitchen that smelt like cast iron and cumin. We have a kitchen that smells of new…

  • And Still, There Are Moments…

    I don’t believe in God. Not in the way people usually mean it. Not as a being who listens, intervenes, or arranges outcomes. I don’t believe in spells, or in forces that bend reality. I don’t think the universe is paying attention to me. And still, there are moments that feel like something is. It…

  • Time…

    I wrote this a bit back now. Mid-spring. I’ve poured a lot of thought into spirituality, belief, ritual. These words held a lot of mixed feelings for me in my youth. But I’m exploring them over the next few posts. Let me know what you think… The frost was gone by mid-morning. It had come…

  • Feet Flat on the Floor

    I’ve been thinking a lot about self-care. What it actually means, and specifically what it means for me. Some days I feel so lost in the needs of my household that I don’t even clock my own. And if I don’t clock them, like if I can’t even name them, how do I begin to…

  • An Infinite Container

    I missed posting to my blog last week. Nothing happened. No one emailed asking where I was. No deadlines were missed. The world continued spinning exactly as before. And yet I felt guilty. Not because I had promised anyone an article. If I’m honest I write here each week for me. But I spent the…

  • What My Kids Saw at City Hall

    When we were deciding where to land, really land not just relocate, we drove through a lot of Southern Ontario. My partner Sean is Canadian, and he has family scattered across the province, so the tour felt natural. But it was also deliberate. We were leaving Austin with four kids, a lot of hope, and…

  • We Cried

    There were beeps from machines, the hum of people just outside the room working, the occasional alarm that a new patient was arriving. But everyone in my room had gone. The doctors. The nurses. Even the nurse that transported with me to this new place. Gone. Now we waited. I waited. Alone in a room.…

  • The Ordinary Accumulation

    There’s no villain in this story. That’s what makes it so hard to write, explain, and live. I have a complex medical history. It’s been active lately. I’m still seeing doctors and putting in more energy than I have to try and untangle this. Maybe it’s one of my autoimmune diseases progressing. Maybe it’s something…

  • The Other Adult

    He asked if I wanted chocolate. I said dark chocolate. Marshmallow, mint, peanut butter cream. All the chocolate, I said, with a little emoji to show I was being a bit ridiculous and also completely serious. He brought home milk chocolate. It wasn’t the end of the world. It never is. That’s the thing about…

  • I Never Planned Any of This

    I never planned to homeschool my children. 
If I’m being really honest, I never planned to have children at all. I was told pretty young, by doctors, by family, by circumstance, that motherhood wasn’t likely in my future. There are whole other posts buried in that sentence. Years of medical complications, grief, uncertainty, trying not…